SPEECH 1: Runaways, musical by Elizabeth Swados. (Character: AJ)

 

My parents lived together, but they hated each other. See, my father went to work, see he was the head of the family. And mom, it was her job to stay home all day and clean the house. And every night at about six o’clock, I’d hear the electric garage door open, and I’d think to myself: “Did I do everything right?” “Did I do everything right?” Then I’d hear him come up the stairs. This was it! “Please don’t yell, dad. Please don’t yell.” Then mom would call us, and we’d all go sit at the table. And then there’d be silence, until my father would say something stupid. And my mother would break down and they’d start fighting, and she’d grab us and put our coats on and try to take us out the door, and my father would pull us back in and leave my mother out on the porch all by herself. And I was tired of being fought over. I had to go! I had to go!

 

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SPEECH 2: Diary of Anne Frank (Character: Anne)  

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Look, Peter, the sky. (she looks up through the skylight) What a lovely, lovely day! Aren't the clouds beautiful? You know what I do when it seems as if I couldn't stand being cooped up for one more minute? I think myself out. I think myself on a walk in the park where I used to go with Pim. Where the jonquils and the crocus and the violets grow down the slopes. You know the most wonderful part about thinking yourself out? You can have it any way you like. You can have roses and violets and chrysanthemums all blooming at the same time? It's funny. I used to take it all for granted. And now I've gone crazy about everything to do with nature. Haven't you? (softly) I wish you had a religion, Peter. Oh, I don't mean you have to be Orthodox, or believe in heaven and hell and purgatory and things. I just mean some religion. It doesn't matter what. Just to believe in something! When I think of all that's out there. The trees. And flowers. And seagulls. When I think of the dearness of you, Peter. And the goodness of people we know. Mr. Kraler, Miep, Dirk, the vegetable man, all risking their lives for us everyday. When I think of these good things, I'm not afraid any more. I find myself, and God, and I... We're not the only people that've had to suffer. There've always been people that've had to. Sometimes one race, sometimes another, and yet...I know it's terrible, trying to have any faith when people are doing such horrible things, but you know what I sometimes think? I think the world may be going through a phase, the way I was with Mother. It'll pass, maybe not for hundreds of years, but some day I still believe, in spite of everything, that people are really good at heart. Peter, if you'd only look at it as part of a great pattern? That we're just a little minute in the life? (she breaks off) Listen to us, going at each other like a couple of stupid grownups! Look at the sky now. Isn't it lovely?

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SPEECH 3: A Hundred Words For Snow by Tatty Hennessy (Character: Aurora)

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My name is Rory. Yes, I know that’s a boy’s name. Yes, that is my real name. Yes, really. Oh alright. Full name. If you really need to know, Aurora. Yes Aurora. Mortifying.

I swear the only people who like weird names are people with names like Bob or Sue or Tim. You like it? Try living with it. It’s weird to think Mum wanted me to be the kind of person who’d suit the name ‘Aurora’. I wouldn’t want to meet that person, would you? Sounds like a right bint. I’ve totally forgiven her, as you can tell. Joking.

Nobody calls me Aurora. Call me Rory and we’ll get on fine.

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SPEECH 4: The Genius by Howard Brenton (Character :The Boy)

 

It isn't that, with me. I can't write.... I had one splendid teacher. He used to talk about things right in class. He said that most educated people think that intellect is a matter of making fine distinctions—of seeing as two separate points what the unintelligent would believe was one point; but that this idea was finicky. He wanted us to see that intelligence might also be a matter of seeing the connection between two things so far apart that most people would think they were always separate. I like that. It made education mean something, because it made it depend on imagination instead of grubbing. And then he told us about the history of our subject—grammar. How it began as poetry, when every word was an original creation; and then became philosophy, as people had to arrange speech with thought; and then science, with more or less exact, laws. I could see it—the thing became alive. And he said all knowledge passed through the same stages, and there isn't anything that can't eventually be made scientific. That made me think a good deal. I wondered if somebody couldn't work out a way of preventing anybody from being poor. It seems so unnecessary, with so much work being done. That's what I want to do. Thanks to you, I—

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SPEECH 5: The Curious Incident of the Dog by Simon Stephens (Character: Christopher)

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I remember the 20th of July 2008. I was 9 years old. It was a Saturday. We were on holiday in Cornwall. We were on the beach in a place called Polperro. Mother was wearing a pair of shorts made out of denim and a stripy blue swimming costume, and she was smoking cigarettes called Consulate, which were mint flavour. And she wasn’t swimming. She was sunbathing on a towel, which had red and purple stripes and she was reading a book by Georgette Heyer called the Masqueraders. And then she finished sunbathing and went into the water and said, “Bloody Nora it’s cold.” And she said I should come and swam too, but I didn’t like swimming because I don’t like taking my clothes off. And she said I should just roll my trousers up and walk into the water a little way. So I did. And mother said, “Christopher! Look it’s lovely.” And she jumped backwards and disappeared under the water, and I thought a shark had eaten her and I thought a shark had eaten her and I screamed. And then she stood out of the water and came over to where I was standing and held up her right hand and spread out her fingers like a fan. “Come on Christopher, touch my hand. Come on now. Stop screaming. Touch my hand. Listen to me, Christopher. You can do it. It’s OK Christopher. It’s OK. There aren’t any sharks in Cornwall.”

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SPEECH 6: Lord Of The Flies by William Golding (Character: Ralph)

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What makes things break up like they do? I mean, what is wrong with people? Let’s go to the other side of the island to hunt and have fun…and die here on this bloody island!? Doesn’t anyone care about getting rescued?! The fire should always be the number one priority! If it wasn’t for Jack, I would probably be at home right now…

My hair… it’s so long… I mean, I can barely see. And I can barely get my fingers through it. My clothes… they’re like cardboard. The salt… it’s everywhere. Look at my nails. I would do anything for a bar of soap… anything just to have a bath. Look at my face… look at me! I probably look like one of Jack’s hunters with all this dirt. Stupid face painting…as if they think it actually helped them catch that boar. I could be home right now. I could off this island with mom and dad and…

Mom always told me that sometimes things are better left unsaid and I have tried. I have tried to reason with him. I don’t understand. I was voted chief fair and square. He always says I am afraid and I am sometimes. But who wouldn’t be? Even Jack looked scared when he ran down that mountain. But of course, he will never admit that. What did I ever do to Jack? Why do you hate me, Jack?

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AUDITION SPEECHES 16-18yrs

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SPEECH 1: Like A Virgin by Amanda Whittington (Character: Angela)

 

I’ve got to live a bit, Maxine, I’m dying. I don’t know why but I am. I don’t know why I’ve been picked to have such a shit- awful life. What have I done that’s so bloody wrong?
So you can piss off with your, ‘Let’s be jolly,’ routine. With your ‘Let’s pretend everything’s alright and we’ll have a laugh like we used to I the old days’.

You put that mouth of yours into mega-drive and off you go. I’m dying and I wish I wasn’t. I wish it wasn’t me. I wish it was you. That’s shocked you, hasn’t it? You’re gonna die. Oh yeah, everybody’s gonna die. But I’m gonna die a lot sooner.

Why aren’t I normal? Why does nothing normal ever happen to me? I’ve not got a dad. You’re so lucky and you don’t know it.... And you’re so bloody insensitive, always going on about our dad this and our dad that... I’m sick of you going on about your shitting dad. Mine can’t even be bothered to come and see me. I’d give anything to have a normal dad who’d talk to me and give me a cuddle. Is that too much to ask?

How would you feel if someone told you that you were gonna die? Come on, it’s not easy is it? YOU ARE GOING TO DIE. You have got four weeks to live. What are you going to do?

(Pause). And people are so full of understanding... so full of shit. ‘I’d go on holiday, I’d travel.’ What is the point in spending your time in strange lands with strange people? So you’ll have lots of happy memories and photographs to look back on. When? I’m dying. What’s the point in laying on a beach getting a tan? So I’ll look good in my coffin. So people will be able to gork into my coffin with...with...tear-stained eyes and say... ‘She looks really good’... ‘She’s the best suntanned corpse I’ve ever seen’.

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SPEECH 2: Yoga Fart by Gabriel Davies (Character: Amy)

 

I farted in Yoga class. It was loud. And I didn't die. My heart started pounding but it did not explode. I thought I would be devastated but I was not. Instead something unexpected happened. I laughed. At first a little giggle and then a full

blown belly laugh. In fact, I laughed so hard that I farted again. And again, and again. Embarrassing, no? No. No.

I could feel people staring but I didn't care. I thought I would care. Feel my palms grow clammy, my chest tighten. No. I felt a lightness, wonder, awe. Who knew I had so much air inside me. My body had deflated but my spirit had inflated! I waited for the self loathing to come. But there was only... Stillness. Silence. Then in that silence, a little voice. I love you. Your body is amazing I realized, this was why I'd come to yoga in the first place. No, not to fart publicly. To fart publicly and survive it. I know, it's unladylike. But in the depth of this indignity, I had found my greatest strength. Here I was looking my fear in the face And believe me, I had feared this moment. I had played it out in my mind. And it always ended with all the ladies around me pulling hidden rocks out of their lululemon attire and stoning me mercilessly. But not much happened. Here I was staring fear in the face and realizing...it was a bunch of hot air. And i could release it! I breathed in deep, so deep another loud exclamation of my new found freedom erupted from my behind. "Excuse me," the woman behind me said. "But could you step outside for a moment. Some of us are trying to practice yoga..." This should have destroyed me. It should have sent me whimpering out of the room. But I felt my calm breath, heard myself say: "Excuse me,but I am practicing my fartnassanas thank you very much."

 

 

SPEECH 3: Fences by August Wilson (Character: Cory)

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I live here too! I ain’t scared of you. I was walking by you to go into the house cause you sitting on the steps drunk, singing to yourself. I ain’t got to say excuse me to you. You don’t count around here any more. Now why don’t you just get out my way. You talking about what you did for me… what’d you ever give me? You ain’t never gave me nothing. You ain’t never done nothing but hold me back. Afraid I was gonna be better than you. All you ever did was try and make me scared of you. I used to tremble every time you called my name. Every time I heard your footsteps in the house. Wondering all the time… what’s Papa gonna say if I do this?… What’s he gonna say if I do that?… What’s he gonna say if I turn on the radio? And Mama, too… she tries… but she’s scared of you. I don’t know how she stand you… after what you did to her. What you gonna do… give me a whupping? You can’t whup me no more. You’re too old. You’re just an old man. You crazy. You know that? You just a crazy old man… talking about I got the devil in me. Come on… put me out. I ain’t scare of you. Come on! Come on, put me out. What’s the matter? You so bad… put me out! Come on! Come on!

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SPEECH 4: The Trouble with Cashews by David MacGregor (Character: Paul)

 

Just look…right over there. What do you see? Just watch her… there! She did it again! What, do you think I’m losing my mind? I know it’s an old woman, sitting at a table, drinking a glass of wine, and eating some nuts from a bowl.

Anyone can see that. But look more closely. Watch when she goes for a nut. And…she did it again! Seriously? You don’t see it? Okay, let me ask you something. What’s in that bowl?

Nuts. Now, what kind of nuts? Assorted nuts. You get me? Please tell me you’re beginning to understand … there! Did you see that? She’s only eating the cashews! That bowl is full of assorted nuts.

So, what does that typically mean? It means there’s peanuts, almonds, hazelnuts, walnuts, and cashews. Does that sound about right? Now, is it just a random assortment?

Equal amounts of every nut? No! It’s mostly peanuts. Now, why would that be? Listen, I know you’re not some kind of nut expert, but it means that peanuts must be the easiest to grow and the cheapest to harvest and people like them less than other nuts.

Of all the nuts in that bowl, what kind of nut do people like the most? Cashews. Aunt Dorothy is deliberately eating only the most expensive and tastiest nuts. And the worst part?

She knows what she’s doing. That’s why she keeps looking around to see if anyone is watching. It would be one thing if she was so out of it that she was only eating the nuts she liked best, you know, like a chimp or something.

But she knows what she’s doing. And it would be okay if it was just Aunt Dorothy eating all of the cashews at a family party, but there are plenty of people out there in the world just like her.

People who not only want their fair share, they want everyone else’s share too. In fact, do you know what we’re witnessing here? The end of humanity.

The total and complete destruction of human beings as a species. It may be just a bowl of nuts to you, but we are doomed. Completely and utterly doomed.